Tattle and Wrye column December 2015 edition Awards

From the desk of ~

DONA PENZA TATTLE, ESQ.

AND

ASSOCIATE WRYE BALDERDASH

Greetings!

The couple sweep onto the stage in appropriate attire.  Yes, Associate Wrye Balderdash in top hat, tux and tails, an exceptionally large beaver tail to be exact.  Dona Penza Tattle adorned in a glitter walk-the-red-carpet burgundy slender silhouette style gown.  (She wants all to notice the slender part because she is wearing a corset that has sucked everything in to the point of making her eyes bulge and her breathing shallow.) 

(Applause from the cyber crowd of readers.)

"Thank you, thank you."  Wrye bows graciously.  "The true applauds go to all the nominees and their riveting books.  It has been an incredibly difficult decision, but at last we have found our WINNER and TOP NOMINEE for the Tattle and Wrye Book Award.”  Otherwise known as:

THE FABULOUS FICTION FABRICATOR FEATHER IN THE FEDORA, WRYE TOAST FROM BALDERDASH AND TATTLE... JAM OPTIONAL AWARD, DENOTING THAT BALDERDASH BABBLES AND TATTLE PRATTLES AND GOOD WRITERS WRITE WELL... TAA DAA!  WITH BOW AND CURTSY

(More applause from the cyber crowd of readers.)

Angelica smiles broadly, trips over the hem of her gown, feels a stitch pop, sucks in her breath and breathes out in one long gasp, “Please find below the criteria we used."

CRITERIA

(humorous)

~Reviewed by Tattle and Wrye, separately and donut free (so as not to create an artificial zone of contentment)

~Dimensional characters who morph over time, and not into dinosaurs (unless that is a plot device)

~Faceted universe like a kaleidoscope that brings flashbacks to psychedelic Tuesdays of our 80s (someone digressed)

~Compelling like chocolate truffles you can't resist (no one can write chocolate, but what if, the world would eat it up)

~Good conflict - think clashing swords or sparring armadillos or Feuding Writing Partners (shameless plug)

~Smart/snappy dialogue, without using finger-snapping or gingersnaps or snapping turtles with red polished toenails unless they speak

~Believable inner voice even if crazy voices.  Note:  Crazies seem to have more fascinating inner voices.

~Memorable, even more so than remembering getting lost in a cupcake factory without your blood sugar testing kit

~Unpredictable plot that brings the cat ate the canary snigger as, get this, the canary ate the cat

~Stunning twists that cause spontaneous "Weoooos!" and pee-pee dances around the Rug Doctor

~Keeper-upper-til-all-too-late, as good as any date, and the perfect purchase avoiding the bad book rebate

~Ultimately, an irresistible urge by both Tattle and Wyre to high five the author

~Bottom line:  Was it good?

 

“Just so you all know, as much as we love our fun and games, we do have a serious side as well.  We truly took our time, and thoughtfully considered everyone’s book as you can see by the following true criteria,” says Wrye, looking somber.

(non-humorous)

~Reviewed by Tattle and Wrye 

~Dimensional characters who change

~Believable universe 

~Passionate (weather humorous, dramatic, or mysterious, etc.)

~Compelling

~Good conflict

~Smart/snappy dialogue

~Credible inner voice

~Memorable

~Unpredictable plot

~Stunning twists

~Page-turner

“Now, for our TOP FINALIST!  The envelope, please.”  A large off-white envelope appears in her hand as Tattle and Wrye announce in unison:  Congratulations to JULIE EBERHART PAINTER in recognition of MEDIUM RARE!

(Cheers and applause from the cyber crowd of readers.)

 “And, finally our WINNER!  The envelope, please.”  A large off-white envelope appears in Tattles’ hand as the duet announce in unison:  Congratulations to Ron D. Voigts in recognition of THE WITCH’S DAUGHTER!

(Cheers, whistles, feet stomping and applause from the cyber crowd of readers.)

Congratulations to both Julie and Ron!  Your books were fabulous and we were so honored to have read them.  We will be sending you a cyber copy of the certificate as well as an icon for your webpage.  Again, CONGRATULATIONS!

(You can find the reviews in their entirety at http://angelicahartandzi.com/index_files/Page814.htm)

Oh, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS and a MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!

Dona Penza Rutabaga Tattle, Esq. and Associate Wrye Balderdash

of Blather City, Wannachat

Created and written by:  Angelica Hart and Zi

Books by: Angelica Hart and Zi

KILLER DOLLS ~ SNAKE DANCE ~

CHASING YESTERDAY ~ CHRISTMAS EVE...VIL

http://www.champagnebooks.com/

Books by: Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane

STEEL EMBRACE

BOOK NOOKIE-A LIBRARIAN'S BUIDE TO THE DO-ME DECIMAL SYSTEM

http://www.carnalpassions.com/

angelicahartandzi.com