Friday, May 1, 2015

Tattle & Wrye column May 2015



Tattle walks onto the office balcony with a covered basket and a vase of wild daises, which she places in the middle of the wrought iron table.  “What flowers grow on faces?”

“Huh?”  Wrye’s mutter is followed by a violent sneeze.

“Tulips!  Get it…two-lips?”

Wrye offers the bushy brow lift.  “I’m allergic.”  He puts the flowers in the corner and snaps up a trio of sturdy mugs.

“What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?”


“A hot cross bun…ny!”  Tattle lifts the basket’s lid to show off warm cinnamon buns.

“Apparently, the warm May day has your jokester motor running.”

“Just excited about our interview with Steven Ure, author of DOOLIE GOGH.”

Grabbing a box of mixed donuts, Wrye offers his arm, “Then we are off on our Love of Literature Leap!”

The two appeared right next to Steven as he is about to sit in front of his computer.  “Boo!”

S:  “What is this new devilry?” 

Tattle waves her hand like a magician and a bistro table appears with stools.  She places her buns on the table while Wrye organizes the coffee mugs and opens the donut box.  “We come bearing gifts and questions.  Think your favorite coffee or drink and it will appear in the mug.  (Twilight Zone music sounds in the background for a half minute)  There is nothing wrong with your vision. Do not attempt to rub your eyes.  We are controlling the situation…”

“Yadayadayada,” Tattle interjects, “Your paraphrased words are from the Outer Limits not the Twilight Zone, m’sci-fi goofy-sleuth.”  Tattle looks at wide-eyed Steven.  “However, you are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to – our interview of YOU!” 

Wrye shrugs.  “Me thinks, he thinks we’re both strange.” 

“Did you check out his friend’s book review of DOOLIE GOGH on Amazon?  Strange might be Steven’s cup of tea…  Or, at least mine, I’m having tea, not coffee.”   Tattle sits while Chai tea magically appears in her mug.  “Now, for some serious questions.”  She puts out her hand, indicating that all should sit.

T:  “So, Steven, be honest, are you really Doolie in disguise as an author?  Don’t worry, just us three and anyone who reads the column will ever know.” Tattle pauses a moment, and then, “And, of course, anyone they tell…and so on, and so on, but that’s all.  Oh, and either way, tell us about Doolie: the character, the book, the man, the alien.  Oh, and why does the young Doolie not like toy trains?  Hmmmmm?”

S:  “Every character has a little piece of the author inside of him or her. Doolie represents my egocentrism and narcissism, which everyone has to a degree… right?” :P

“Doolie is a contradiction. He saves people’s lives and performs heroics more for the public acclaim than for the moral argument. He’s his own worst enemy. A superhero and supervillain wrapped into one.” 

W:  Wrye looks at Tattle.  “Really?  You made him talk long enough to make certain you could get to the chocolate filled donuts before he did.”  Wrye holds up a hand.  “Don’t even respond.  Just wipe the cream off your face.  Now, Steven, for an infinitely more important question, if you were a shapeshifter, what creature would you be and why?”

S:  “I suppose a tortoise. That way I would get to live longer, presumably if you average out the lifespan of a human and a tortoise. Then again so much of that longer life would be spent moving very slowly. So either that or a parrot. I’ve always wanted to squawk.”

T:  Strokes her chin and looks thoughtful.  “Tortoise, hmmmm, interesting, very interesting.  Good choice.  As for squawking, I already do that.”  Tattle looks proud.  “Now, tell us about your favorite character in your book other than Doolie?”

S:  “Eva Byers the actress. She’s daring, fun and enables Doolie. She’s always a tad crazy and only gets worse as the book progresses.”

W:  Crazy?  I like crazy, daring and fun, oh my.”  He chews on a bun.  “Soooo, if you were able to live in any other sci-fi/fantasy universe which one would it be?  And why?”

S:  The Marvel Universe so I could collect all the infinity stones and become a god and then cut in line at Disney World.

T:  One of my fav universes, but mostly cause I VANT SUPER POWERS!  Also, to cut in line at Disney world.  Had to wait four, count them, FOUR hours to get Elsa’s autograph!  ” Jumps up on to the chair and offers a Superman flying pose. 

W: Eyeballs her with a stern look.

T:  Calms herself, smoothes down her skirt and sits.   “Riddle me this, Steven Ure, what loses its head in the morning and gets it back at night? 

W:  “A pillow.”

T:  “Hey!  Steven was supposed to answer that.”  Pouts. 

W:  “We are not here to ask him riddles, but important crapola like…  Have you any other books perking away?”

S:  “One out right now set in World War Two called Blood Under The Midnight Sun. It’s an action adventure thriller type thing. Lots of blood, Nazis, fighting and all that. Serious business.”

T:  “Ooooh, let us know when it is out, my cuppa reading!”  Takes a moment to imagine his favorite chair, Kindle backlight, and an evening getting lost in BLOOD UNDER THE MIDNIGHT SUN.  Pulls herself out of the fantasy and coughs lightly.  “Steven, please tell us if you belong to the tribe of geek, nerd, weird or are you a sensible, logical person like… well…moi, for instance?”

W:  Mouths the words, sensible, logical?  Yeah, right. 

S: “I’m all the above, like a Spock and Sheldon Cooper hybrid.” 

W:  “You are a geek above nerd, and a Dollie beyond weird.  You are indeed worthy of all good fortune, for that is truly an awesome hybrid.”  (Wrye salutes.)  “Well, Steven, thank you so much for taking the time to share with us.  We are looking forward to reading DOOLIE GOGH.  And for all those anxious to know more, our review will be out in September 2015.”  
S:  “Thank you very much.” 

And just like that they, and all they brought, disappear.
Hope you enjoyed our latest interview.  Until next time, keep reading CBG books!

Dona Penza Rutabaga Tattle, Esq. and Associate Wrye Balderdash
of Blather City, Wannachat

Created and written by
Angelica Hart and Zi

Books by Angelica Hart and Zi
Books by Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane

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