It's Wordy Wednesday, and that means...
...time for some reflections from the editor's desk!
English is a funny language. We want our stories to compel our reader’s attention, from the first sentence, all the way through to the end of the book. Just do a Wikipedia search of passive voice. It will make your head spin. However, the rules of passive voice affects us all, especially in fiction. We want our prose to carry power and punch. Passive voice generally creates sentences that lack those ideals.
Here is an example of a sentence in passive voice.
The man was bumped by the
elephant.
In passive voice,
the recipient of the action becomes the subject, making the subject the man. But
he is not active. He’s just the receiver of the elephant’s action.
Contrast that with the sentence below in active voice.
The elephant bumped the man.
In an active sentence, the subject commits
the action. So the elephant, the subject, is doing the action. He bumps the man. The man is the object of
the sentence.
Grammar lesson over. I know this is a confusing subject.
I found a great example on Grammar Girl, using a Marvin
Gaye song title.
“I Heard It through the Grapevine.”
"I" is the
subject, the one who is doing the action. "I" is hearing
"it," the object of the sentence.
If you wanted to make the title of
the Marvin Gaye song passive, you would say, “It was heard by me through the
grapevine.” -- not such a catchy title anymore.
You can see how the
active voice carries so much more punch, and makes a more compelling read.
How do we fix this
in our own work? Sometimes, just flipping a sentence can help. Like this
example:
Her books were piled in the center of the
table as she peered at him from over the top.
vs.
She peered at him over the
top of her books piled on the center of the table.
It’s a simple fix, and it changes the
cadence and the strength of the sentence.
When you do your next spelling and
grammar check and a passive sentence pops up, these tools can help you make
your sentences and your manuscript stronger.
However, you might find sentences where
the method of flipping won’t work:
Daniel grinned to himself as the velvet curtains were
pulled shut.
This sentence doesn’t lend itself to a complete flip with "were pulled shut quickly." But one good fix is:
Daniel grinned to himself as the velvet curtains twitched
shut.
Monica Britt is an editor at Champagne Books.
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