Eliminate Needless Adjectives and Adverbs

It's Wordy Wednesday, and that means...
...time for some reflections from the editor's desk!


This week I’m continuing the theme Graeme started last week – what to look for when perfecting your manuscript. I’m going to add to his list by declaring war on needless adjectives and adverbs. Too many of these words weaken your story and look amateurish. In the nineteenth century, I’ve heard, authors were paid by the word, hence the flowery prose of that era. In the twenty-first century, authors are usually paid a percentage of sales, and do not need to embellish quite so much. We also talk much more informally, and the excessive verbiage of two centuries ago becomes stilted and unnatural.

Does this mean to never use adjectives or adverbs? No, of course not. Sometimes they are absolutely necessary. But use them sparingly.

Consider the following paragraph:

Annette tossed back her curly reddish blonde hair and slammed her hand down on the dark oak desktop. She rose up on her red stiletto heels and glowered at Arthur, her dark-haired bearded protesting subordinate.

What if you wrote the following instead:

Annette tossed back her hair and slammed her hand on the desk. She stood up and glowered at Arthur, her protesting subordinate.

In which of these paragraphs does Annette come across as the powerful manager that she is? Sure, at some point you might want to insert a description of what Annette and Arthur look like, but not here, where the key point is the action. And let me also note that a manager would probably not wear red stiletto heels unless she worked in the fashion industry, or possibly publishing.

As for adverbs, many of the extraneous words Graeme posted can be used as adverbs. Words like just, some, somewhat, really, very, actually, quite, or still, are frequently unnecessary and often weaken what you’re saying. Note the difference between these two simple sentences:

She felt somewhat lonely that evening.

Vs.

Her loneliness dragged at her.

The second sentence is a stronger statement.

Adverbs are frequently used when the verb is not precise enough. Whenever you see an adverb, double-check your verb. Often you’ll discover that a more powerful verb eliminates the need for the adverb.

Tom forcefully moved the papers across his desk.

Vs.

Tom shoved the papers across his desk.

Be ruthless in weeding out unneeded adverbs and adjectives. Your prose will be the better for it.


Diane Breton
Content Editor
Champagne Book Group

Word Weeding

It's Wordy Wednesday...

...but today I'll talk about the opposite of being wordy. In particular: words to weed out before you submit your manuscript.

Start, begin, turn, look, could, and feel are the biggest culprits. As an editor reading submissions, the first thing I do is search for how these words are used. If the counter comes up in the hundreds for more than one, I return the manuscript, even if the story is good.

Here's a basic check-list to help you clear your manuscript of these pests:


1) Do your characters start do to things? Do they began to walk? Begin to speak?

Use the "find" feature in your word processor and go through your manuscript, looking for all forms of "start" and "begin" ("began", "begun").

(Note: Don't use "find & replace", because you will have to think about how to tighten most sentences where the rogue words occur.)

Here are some examples to help you:


Joe started to walk down the street.
vs.
Joe walked down the street.

Jane began to ponder her predicament.
vs.
Jane pondered her predicament.


2) Are people turning and looking and seeing? Do you have them turning to the door? Are they looking at each other when they talk? Does Bob see the path ahead of him?

Again, use the "find" feature for all three words - "turn", "look", "see" (and "saw"). Here's more examples:


He turned to the door, seeing it was partly ajar.
vs.
The door was ajar.


Hansel turned to Rachel and looked at her shimmering red dress.
vs.
Rachel's red dress shimmered.


She saw the path before her, then turned to look at Chris as she spoke. "Are you going to get over it? I told you I'm sorry."
"I need time. Weren't you listening?" Chris said.
vs.
The path stretched ahead. Chris kept pace with her, brooding. "Are you going to get over it? I told you I'm sorry."
"I need time. Weren't you listening?"


Notice in the last example how cutting those words makes the story do its own telling? Good storytelling hides a lot between the lines, so you can say more with less.


3) Check if you have a case of the "coulds". Do you find that Chuck could feel his panic rising? Or that Haley could smell the fresh rain?

Go through your manuscript, searching "could" and "feel" (don't forget "felt" and could's cousins, "should", and "might").


Alex could hear the alarm from across the room.
vs.
The alarm blared.


He might have felt fear, but he steeled himself anyway.
vs.
He steeled himself, ignoring fear.


He felt the snake slither across his leg.
vs.
The snake slithered across his leg.


Sanford could have sworn he was supposed to be at the office by eight, but he must have been wrong.
vs.
Sanford arrived at the office by eight. It was empty. He checked his calendar.


4) If you've ticked off this checklist, then you're on track. But the list goes on: said, asked, just, very, and realize, to name a few.

There are many great books on writing craft. I would personally recommend Strunk and White's, The Elements of Style and Rayne Hall's, The Word Loss Diet, as short, easy-to-follow drills that will help you make your submission shine.



Graeme Brown
Junior editor
http://www.graemebrownart.com/the_pact.html
Twitter: @GraemeBrownWpg

The Scene - What’s it all about, Alfie?

It's Wordy Wednesday, and that means...

...time for some reflections from the editor's desk!

Okay, who remembers that 1966 song by Dionne Warwick? And am I dating myself when I say I do?  The introductory lyrics to that song say:

“What's it all about, Alfie?
Is it just for the moment we live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?”

So, let me ask you, can you answer these questions when you look at each and every scene in your story?

What’s it all about? As an author, I dread being asked this question by my critique group or partners. Yet it’s one of the most important question to ask ourselves. What is this scene all about? Is it just plunked there to fill space or does it move the story forward? Is it just Sally chatting with her girlfriends over wine at a local bar, or does it show Sally’s disgust for muscle men as one walks past and the others ogle him? (Of course, that probably means she also is about to meet the muscle man of her dreams, right?)

Is there an entrance, a focus, and an exit/cliff hanger?  Using the scenario in the paragraph above, Sally sits on the stool her friends saved for her (entrance) and the conversation they have tells us more about who Sally is (the focus). This focus can have two purposes. One, it shows us more about the character. As the friends chat, maybe we find out where Sally works and whether she’s a wine snob or prefers to drink beer out of a bottle. We certainly find out she’s not into muscle-bound men. Focus can also set up a future event (foreshadow).  For instance, I bet Sally will end up tripping over her own feet on her way out of the restaurant. Muscle man will save her from hitting the cement and she looks up into the deepest blue eyes she’s ever seen. At which point, he’ll make some sort of comment about how handy muscle men can be and leave her standing there. (And there’s your exit/cliff hanger for the scene.)

As an editor, I’m looking for that. I’m looking for whether or not there is a reason...to the dialogue, the internalizations, the setting.  All of it. I want your reader to feel like they can’t turn the pages fast enough. In order to do that, even with the ebb and flow of a story, there must always be forward momentum.

And remember, when it comes to a scene, enter late and leave early. You don’t need to show her walking in to the bar. Just have her plop into that chair. And when muscle guy walks off, don’t let her think about it. Leave her with her mouth hanging open.  I guarantee you the reader will turn the page. So will your editor.

If you look at your scene and can easily tell why it’s there, then it’s done what it should. If you can’t, then take a closer look at it. Does it move the story forward? Does it have a purpose? If not, it might be time to grab those digital scissors and start cutting.

Laurie Temple is an editor at Champagne Books and writes under the pseudonym Laurie Ryan.
www.laurieryanauthor.com
Twitter: @lryanauthor
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/laurie.ryan.79

Wordy Wednesday - Reflections from the Editor's Desk: In which no one said anything…

All my authors can attest to the fact I get a little delete happy when I see the word ‘said.’

I also go a little delete crazy when I see scoffed, asked, whispered, yelled or any other one word-add-name kind of tag. I don’t do it every time…

Just most of the time.

“I don’t want to go,” she said.

Seems like a perfectly good sentence, right? Why would I delete the said in that one?

Well, it shows me nothing of the scene. In a perfect world, when we’re storytelling, the reader gets this lovely movie going in their heads. They can get lost in that world to the point of getting annoyed at an interruption.

To keep the movie vivid, and leave the reader unable to put the book down, action tags can be substituted a majority of the times you would type the word ‘said.’

“I don’t want to go.” Daphne stomped her foot, her lip protruding in an obvious pout.

Her mother glanced at her watch. “We’re going. She’s your grandmother. If she says make an appearance at dinner, we go.” She tied up the loose ends of the garbage bag and hefted it.

“She’s old. Who cares what she thinks?”

The quaver in Daphne’s voice gave away more than her dramatics. Her mother stroked her hair before carrying the garbage to the back door. “You do. Shoes, now.”

Using action tags instead of said allows a storyteller to bring life to the setting, to the characters. You can show tells and/or important tidbits about the characters through the use of this peek into the world.

So, the next time you type the word ‘said’…hit delete four times and think about your scene, your characters.

Can you breathe more life into them by telling a story where no one said a thing?

Virginia Nelson

Website | Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads

Wordy Wednesday: Reflections from the Editor's Desk - Cadence

On the heels of Graeme Brown’s blog last week, and adding to what Christy Caughie blogged about the week before, I thought I’d offer a few tips about sentence structure. Don’t groan. You know it’s a necessary evil if you write. :) And don’t worry. This isn’t a grammar lesson. It’s just some pointers I offer to help your story read well.

Sentence length - Cadence is defined as a “rhythmic sequence or flow” according to Merriam-Webster. How your sentences are strung together is as important as what they say. Consider this example:

Chuck went to the grocery store. There, he looked for the perfect wine. He took forever to find one. Tonight’s date was important. At the check-stand, he stopped. He’d forgotten his wallet.

If you read it out loud, it sounds stilted and, well, boring. Now, if we vary the length:

Chuck searched the wines for the right one. Tonight’s date was important and he needed everything to be perfect. Somewhere around the thirtieth bottle, he found it. A Cabernet, her favorite. He grinned and sprinted for the grocery store check-stand, reaching for his wallet. His absent wallet. Chuck froze as it hit him. He’d left his money at home.

More readable, right? So varying the sentence length, along with some more dynamic word choices, makes this more interesting. Now take a look at your paragraph and make sure you’ve done a couple more things. Is there a purpose? Have you moved the story forward? And will it intrigue the reader? Here’s another draft of the above paragraph:

Chuck searched the wines for the right one, certain he could hear his watch ticking away. Beer, now that he could figure out. But wine? That was Sandy’s department. Tonight’s date was important and he needed everything to be perfect. He glanced down at the label name written in ink on his hand. Somewhere around the thirtieth bottle, he found it. A Cabernet, her favorite. He grinned and sprinted for the grocery store check-stand, reaching for his wallet. His absent wallet. All he pulled out was the small jeweler’s box. Chuck froze as it hit him. He’d left his money at home.

Hopefully, it reads quite a bit more interesting than that first draft. Keeping your reader entertained, whether your story is humorous or dark, is huge. As an editor, I love seeing the author’s excitement shine through like that in a story.

As I re-wrote the paragraph above, you’ll notice that it slowed things down. This moment is important to Chuck. It sets up a series of mishaps over the course of the evening that help Chuck realize some things about himself. But you can imagine quite a bit from this sample, can’t you?

Not every paragraph needs this amount of re-writing or slowing down. I always recommend writers read their work out loud. You’ll hear the cadence and recognize words that sound flat or need powering up. And hopefully you’ll smile. And as editors, we’ll get excited with you.


Laurie Temple is an editor at Champagne Books and writes under the pseudonym Laurie Ryan.
www.laurieryanauthor.com
Twitter: @lryanauthor
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/laurie.ryan.79

Wordy Wednesday - Reflections from the Editor's Desk: And then…

During my days as a high school and middle school English teacher, I used to get a lot of narrative essay first drafts that included an overuse of “then” or “and then…” to link together the various parts of the story. First we did this, then we did that, then we did that other thing, and then it all got resolved. It was a bit like reading a series of police reports. Their essays were often just a list of actions to get their story from point A to point B, with very little narrative artistry in between. But we all lack a bit of literary polish when we first begin writing, and I enjoyed teaching them how to enliven those series of actions.

The manuscripts I edit now are much more polished, often beautifully written, and yet I find a lot of writers still struggle with the word “then.” They depend on it. They overuse it. And, more often than not, they use it incorrectly.

In fact, one of the most commonly misused or erroneously punctuated words I see when editing is the word “then.” I most often see it used as a coordinating conjunction, a joiner word, but that’s not its grammatical role.
Here’s an example: Steve spent the evening reading then went to bed.

That sentence sort of reads all right. It looks like it would work. But it’s grammatically incorrect.

Grammar’s coordinating conjunctions, words that can be used to join up clauses and different parts of a sentence, even have their own mnemonic to help you remember them. The FANBOYS are for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so.

So, how could we fix the sentence about Steve? We could add a coordinating conjunction.

Steve spent the evening reading and then went to bed.

We could also add a coordinating conjunction and separate the sentence into two independent clauses. To make the second half independent, we’ll need to add a subject pronoun too.

Steve spent the evening reading, and then he went to bed.

Or we could get rid of “then” entirely and draw out these actions, painting them in more vivid, tangible colors for our readers. Let’s face it, if you, as an author, need to tell your reader about your character’s actions in a blow-by-blow way, you need to make it worth their while.

Steve spent the evening reading the same book he’d been half-heartedly skimming all week. The black letters blurred to grey on the white page after about thirty minutes, and he found himself reading the same paragraph over and over, its meaning obscure by the time he reached the final line. Only the L stood out on the page, his eye drawn like a magnet to its sharp angle. He snapped the book shut, turned out the lights, and made his way to bed—an empty bed. He still slept on the left side. The right side would always belong to Lucy.

Do you find yourself using “then” a lot in your writing? If you’re using it, are you using it correctly? Are there other words you use too often and could remove to make your writing stronger?



Christy Caughie is an editor and book cover designer at Champagne Books.
www.gildedheartdesign.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/author.christycarlyle
Twitter: @writerchristy
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/christycarlyle/

Wordy Wednesday - Reflrections from the Editor's Desk: Myth Busting or Who Told You That?

Over the years but never more than lately, there are some common ‘myths’ about publishing. As a writer, I heard about many of these. As an editor, I’ve experienced many of them. One caveat, this post applies to traditional and digital/small press publishing. While there’s some overlap into self-publishing, most of these myths surround the mainstream industry versus self-publishing.

Let’s do some myth busting.

1) Readers will love your book—after all, your mother, sister, cousin, best friend and coworkers do. Isn’t that grand? It is, truly. But here’s the thing. As much as we love our family and friends, they aren’t your readers. They aren’t editors or publishers. They aren’t reviewers. While it’s terrific that your family and friends love your book, they are family and friends and unless you have a terrific relationship with them that allows them to be blunt, you aren’t hearing that your heroine is too bitchy or you hero is just plain abusive. Family and friends are there to do what they do best – support you. However, when it comes to submitting your work, agents and editors don’t care if your mom likes it. They care whether they do and whether they can sell it.

2) Your family and friends will buy multiple copies and tell their friends and that will be at least 300 sales. As an author, I had this expectation too. For all the support and encouragement, when it came to plunking down the money, it didn’t happen. Yes, they bought copies – at least, they told me they did. However, it wasn’t 300. I’m not even sure it was 20. Might have been closer to five. Family and friends love us but that doesn’t mean they are going to buy your book no matter what they tell you. Sure, some may just because they are family and friends but most of them are just not going to. Sorry, it’s reality. Want to know for sure? Ask for a receipt.  Of course you aren’t going to but don’t rely or count on family and friends sales as proof of your numbers. You are doomed to disappointment.

3) By the same token, everyone you friend or who follows you on social media will not buy your book. Friending or following doesn’t mean you are on their auto-buy list. It means they want to be friends. That’s it. Now, I’m sure there are times those connections lead to fans and readers but most often, it doesn’t.

4) Once my book is published, I just have to sit back and the money will roll in. I wish. Once your book is published, you will have to promote your book. Think about it this way--if no one knows about your book, no one will buy it. I’ve had people tell me the key to success is backlist. I don’t disagree that ONE of the keys to success is backlist. I just don’t think it’s as simple as that. You can have tons of backlist but if you don’t tell anyone about it, how do they know where to find them? They don’t, unless they stumble across your website.

5) Yay! You got the call. Once the contract is signed, you are done. I love this one. You see, signing the contract is just the beginning of getting your book published. What’s next? Well, there’s content editing, production/blurb forms, cover art forms, marketing forms, more content editing, scheduling promotion, line editing, website updating, galleys… and on and on. Whew! I’m not kidding; there’s a lot to be done. By the time your book releases, you will be more than ready to be done with it. Plan to work just as hard after the Call as before it.

6) Editors will be your mentor. Ah, if only that were true. We want to help. We try as much as we can. But don’t expect it. Editors are overworked—those that work for houses and those that freelance. As much as we’d like to, unless you are hiring us for that particular service, editors can’t mentor you into the next contract and so on. As cold as it may sound, and we are all nice people, we have to get work done on your book then move immediately on to the next. It doesn’t mean we don’t like you. Far from it. Our livelihood and continued employment rest on getting the next one and the next one and the next one done. If you want to improve your craft, don’t rely on your editor to do it all for you—we do the best we can but ultimately, your career, your responsibility.

7) Your self-published buddy gets to make all the decisions about their book. Your publisher should let you do the same. Uh, wrong. While many publishers and editors are all about making their authors happy, ultimately, only they know what works for their readers and what doesn’t. This means that they may, and can, make changes during the process to end with a book that is the most appealing for their readers. If your vision is different, don’t expect them to budge just to appease you. They are in this to make money, not for artistic expression. Sorry. It’s the hard truth. By going to a publisher, you trust them to know what’s best. If you don’t, then you should self-publish.

8) Your book is perfect so you’ll only need an editor to edit for typos. Okay, this time I’m laughing. No one’s book is THAT perfect. In fact, since I’ve been doing this for nearly a couple of years, most books are not. Including my own. Good houses will put your book through the editing wringer. First, you’ll be edited for content. This is where everything is made consistent and plot holes are closed. Most houses want two rounds of content editing. You may need more. After content editing (also called developmental editing), it’s time for line editing. This is where spelling, grammar and punctuation are checked. The goal is to put out the best product and even in this day and age, when more and more books seem to be riddled with errors, the best houses work hard to put out perfect products (my houses do). So, suck it up. You are going to have to edit.

9) The days of being rejected are over. Not true. Ask around. Most published authors will tell you they have been rejected time and again after making the first, second or even tenth, sale. In fact, just recently, one of my publishers’s rejected an author who had two manuscripts already published. Why? First, the story didn’t work but more importantly, the first couple didn’t make any money. I’ve also seen them rejected because an author failed to understand #8 and decided her book didn’t need editing. Bottom line is rejection is just part of the business and should be viewed as a badge of honor: You are submitting and you are in some excellent company.

There are always more myths flying about but this is enough myth busting for today. Do you see any of them in yourself? Ah, my bad. Champagne Book Group blog readers are extraordinary so I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir. Feel free to pass this along to others who might not be as enlightened as you all.

Since I’m sure you know about these, got any you want to share with me? Maybe a myth and how you busted it?



Cassiel Knight is Senior Editor at Champagne Book Group. When she’s not wrestling manuscripts into shape for publication, she’s writing action/adventure books based on archeology and mythology – just a few of her favorite things – for Samhain Publishing, Lyrical Press and Champagne Book Group.

Connect with Cassie at:
www.CassielKnight.com
www.SeeJanePublish.wordpress.com
Twitter: @CassielKnight
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/cassielk
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3320993.Cassiel_Knight?origin

Word Wednesday: Reflections from the editor's desk - BARRICADE THE EXITS!

In my opinion, there is entirely too much CSI on television. New York, Miami, LA, East Podunk. I get the picture--crime is everywhere. And the investigators are smart, sexy people with great educations and devastating logic. My beef is not with the stories or the actors. What I object to is the way writers have picked up on the noun “exit” used as a verb.

English is always turning nouns into verbs. Look at tasked or surfed. As a further example, until about the 1960s, jet was strictly a noun. Then people started flying in jets. They started jetting. That was cool; jet as a verb is exciting. It implies speed, high fashion, importance. It has an emotional content and descriptive power.

Not so exit. Police investigators are specifically trained to write emotion-free, neutral text to avoid prejudicing any possible prosecutions. Their reports are dry as dust: “The subject exited the area.” It may be accurate, but it certainly doesn’t carry the same impact as “The perp ran away,” does it?

I see exit so often in the submissions I edit that it has become a no-see-um, the ubiquitous New England pest. They’re barely visible, but their bite can jolt me right out of whatever I’m doing. And the last thing you want to do is jolt your readers out of your story.

Fiction writing is all about emotion. Every time you can choose an emotive word over a non-emotive word, do so. Exit is flat and boring. It shows the reader nothing about the character or the action. It’s an easy choice when you’re writing fast, but in your rewrites you should reserve it for police and military reports, stage directions, and computer instructions. Find verbs that play multiple roles—leave, emerge, step out, run away, saunter, take off, veer, sidle, slink, stride. A horse can exit a barn, or it can bolt, skitter, trot, slip, meander, or plod. See how each verb creates a different picture in your mind?

So barricade the exits. Do a search in your manuscript and examine each use of the word. Replace it ninety-nine times out of a hundred, and watch your writing come alive.

Nikki Andrews
Editor, Champagne Books
www.scrivenersriver.blogspot.com
www.nikkiandrewsbooks.com

Wordy Wednesday - Reflections from the Editor's Desk

Writers toil over getting their prose just right, but then it hits the editor's desk and a whole new game begins. The rule of thumb is that your prose should be as perfect as possible before you submit anything for publication. So what's the point of editing, if you can get it perfect by yourself?

That's the catch. You can't. You need another eye; you need an editor's eye. Sometimes you might have your manuscript pass through beta readers, or even an independent editor, before submission. This is good, and it helps, but it does not mean the editor at destination's end will be twiddling his or her thumbs through the publication process.

A book is a product. You, the author, write the manuscript - the design. Even though, as the writer, you are the designer and the artist behind the product, that is only the starting point. The publisher is the manufacturer, and the final product - the book you sell and promote as the author - is a team endeavor.

Ultimately, and most importantly: the book that has your name on it is the publisher's product, not your own.

If this is the case, then, how can a writer feel secure? After all that time you spend laboring over your words, getting the story just right, how can you be sure that wonderful vision you painstakingly captured isn't going to be something alien to you with your name stamped on the front cover?

This brings me to one of the most important things about an editor's role. Being in such a position, he or she is bound by an agreement to honor and respect the author's voice. The publishing team, during the acquisition process, base their decision on whether or not the voice - the story as it is - is suitable. The editor then has the job of taking the author's manuscript and turning it into a book. It's a bit like taking a knife and making it sharp, shiny, and ready for display. If you want to extend the metaphor, publishers are knife sharpeners, not knife-makers, so picking the right manuscript is akin to picking the knife that looks like it's going to do the job.

Editing, when it is most effective, places the true work on the author. It's a game of devil's advocate. "Are you sure you want to do this?" "Check out this website, it's got lots of good examples of passive vs. active voice and why the active voice is stronger in fiction." "Look for where you've used the word 'was' and see if you can use stronger verbs instead." True, the editor makes in-line changes, points out cliches or confusing passages, but all along, the author is in control, and it's the editor's job to point him or her toward the product the publisher expects. The editor's goal is to bring out the most in the writer, and that comes from a belief, from the beginning, that the author has the talent to turn manuscript into book.

At Champagne Books, during my short time working with the great team of editors we have here, what I have found most remarkable is how far we go to ensure the author's voice is respected. It means authors who submit their story can be rest assured that when their book hits the shelves, they can feel their name on the front cover is the centerpiece, the way it should be, while the hard work of the editing and production team can proudly stand behind them in the logo.

Graeme,
Junior Editor