Viral Variation

Viral Variation

By Julie Eberhart Painter


'Twas the night before deadline and all through the house
No software was stirring, not even my mouse.
The research was sitting all snug in a file
For references handy to notes I'd compiled.

The children were grownups >Twas time to create
For artistic achievement, it's never too late.
I wore no kerchief, my husband no cap,
That's totally unnecessary when you're taking a nap.

I'd just nodded off when a noise loud and clear
Interrupted my slumber, my nap disappeared.
And out on the rooftop there came a loud racket
I sat up in my chair. "We're expecting a packet?"

But what to my horrified eyes should appear
But a feline intruder, who grinned ear to ear.
His eyes were all bugged, his lips, red and scary
I jumped from my lounger; no time did I tarry.

He ran toward my office, my work to attack.
I heard a loud clatter and then a big crack.
He streaked to the keyboard and leaped with a clatter.
I flew to my Windows XP, "What's the matter?"

Catbert stood perched with paws fairly flying.
"My book is deleting!" I heard myself crying.
And there in the email that I thought was protected
A McAfee note proclaimed, "Virus Detected."

The book was erasing, one byte at a time,
"Champagne will fire me. I'll get not a dime."

Quicken's tax program dissolved before me,
While The Evil HR Director ignored me.

The voltage protector was screaming in pain
The heart of my hard drive was losing its brain.

Floppies and CDS, in rank disarray,
Lay littered before me to my great dismay.
The printer kept spewing the book from before this.
"Not that one, the new one!" I barely could hiss.

He sprang on hind legs, then arching his back,
Said, "Just take the Kill Fee, you incredible hack.
Go back to your day job; stop screwing around,
And if you want a nice kitty, try accessing The Pound.

On Road Runner, on Dot coms, on AOL, too,
Get on with the havoc. We've got work to do."

And I heard him exclaim >ere he drove out of sight,
"Let's crash Mystery Writers; they deserve a good blight.
So to all you Romantics, these words of advice:
Don't write sex scenes at Christmas, that's really not nice!"

Julie Eberhart Painter, author of Mortal Coil, contributed this for the Season. Her next Champagne book will be released in May 2010. Check out Julie’s website
www.books-jepainter.com

Excerpt - Mortal Coil by Julie Eberhart Painter

The Ponytail Perp is on the loose. Ellen, the long-term care facility administrator and single mom, could lose her job and she's conflicted about her feelings for the detective whose trying to solve the crimes. In the comfort of her kitchen, she and her almost eleven-year-old daughter, Patti, share a tender moment processing their grief. It's the first time Ellen admits to herself that her husband's death may not have been an accident. But can she ever tell Patti?

***********

A few nights later, Ellen and Patti were putting supper together. Sherman was curled safely off in the corner, watching for the signal that his dinner was ready.
“Mom, do you ever get lonely?”
Ellen put the pot back on the stove and looked at Patti. “Sure. I miss your father terribly. You must miss him, too.”
Patti picked up the dog’s dish and began ladling dry dog food into it. She faced her mother, spoon in the air. “I think about him a lot, Mom. Sandy’s parents have been really nice to me. They include me in a lot of their family stuff, but sometimes I feel like a charity case. It’s not like when we used to get together--when Daddy was here and the weekends were... fun.”
“We can’t expect the Millers to include us the way they used to. Les is their dad and he sets the pace with his own family. I don’t think he wants the widow...” Ellen’s voice caught in her throat. “...the neighbor lady tagging along on their family outings.”
“We had so much fun when Daddy was here. He knew all about baseball.” Patti paused. “He was...”
“Special?”
“Yeah.” Patti put the spoon on the counter and walked into her mother’s arms. “I miss him, Mom. The KidzCamp counselor said I always would. Doesn’t it ever stop hurting?”
“It will hurt less someday, especially if they find the person who was driving the car that caused the accident. But for both of us, there will always be an empty space where your daddy was.”
“I get scared sometimes. I woke up this morning, and I couldn’t remember what he looked like.”
“You’ll remember him again, just the way he was when you were little. You have his pictures to remind you. We should get one laminated so you can carry it with you in your backpack.”
“You moved them downstairs, but I know where they are. I went to look for the pictures this morning. I just couldn’t go to school without seeing him. Is that okay? Is that normal?”
“Sit down a minute, honey. Let me explain something.”
Patti sat.
“Everything you’re feeling is normal. It’s okay to remember your dad any way you want to. No one should talk you out of it.”
“Do you think about him... a lot... when you’re at work?”
“Sometimes. Mostly I think about him at home and on those long, empty weekends you mentioned.”
“When the kids have things they do with their families. That’s the worst.”
“Maybe you and I could go see Great-gramma some weekend soon--when the weather in Pennsylvania gets better, before your softball season begins.”
“I’d like that. She’s very old, Mom. Is she gonna die, too?”
“We all die. We just don’t know when. She’s quite the miracle at her age.”
“Daddy wasn’t old. He was only forty-five when… And you’re forty. Are you--? But his was an accident.”
“People die when it’s their time.” Ellen had never told Patti she thought Tom might have been deliberately hit. At her age, Patti shouldn’t know about that kind of meanness. “We just have to move along in our lives and trust that we have enough time left to do what we came for.”
“I hope you have a hundred years, Mom.”
Ellen hugged her daughter. A hundred years without Tom sounded like a life sentence.
~ * ~

Interviewing Julie Eberhart Painter

Tami: Hello Julie! Welcome to the blog! How are you doing today?

Julie: Fine, of course, when I can talk about writing.

Tami: Well we are glad to have you here. Let's talk about that great book of yours. That is an interesting title, what inspired the title Mortal Coil?

Julie: My grandmother lived in a nursing home in a 300-year old building in Philadelphia, PA. After she died at age 105, the home was investigated for a series of murders. It made the national news in 1984. The image of the old folks shuffling around from activity to activity inspired me to use Hamlet’s phrase, “When I shuffle off this mortal coil.”

Tami: A play on words, very interesting.

Julie: My weakness. I love a play on words and plan to use more of them for book titles. Champagne is considering another one now.

Tami: Can you tell me or do you plan on leaving me in suspense?

Julie: “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” Tangled Web seemed like a short poetic title to describe the serpentine road my heroine travels, especially this one.

Tami: It sounds like you must read a lot of books.

Julie: Almost as many as Stephen King. I always have a magazine going, a novel or autobiography going and an audio book for the car, although if Gershwin or Andrew Lloyd Webber are playing when I turn on my Public Radio station (WMFE), I wait.

Tami: Who are your favorite authors?

Julie: I lean toward mystery romance. Just discovered Harlan Coben. I like Greg Isles, but don’t like too much sick gore. Nora Roberts is just right. I’ve read all of John Grisham’s novels, and I’m a literary lover, such people as Ann Tyler, Margaret Attwood, and Anne Lamott are inspirational. Lamott’s first book on religion and of course Bird by Bird are her best. I cannot help but enjoy humor. Harlen Coben injects humor and irony that is very effective although some might call it author intrusion. He’s too funny to be deleted. We do think of the darndest things when we’re up against the wall—a place he spends a lot of time!

Tami: Oh, I love Nora Roberts! Have you read her In The Garden Tri.... oh never mind....let’s get back to Mortal Coil. You have several amusing scenes in that.

Julie: Courting and romance should start out lightheartedly. I was pleased that Kat Hall mentioned that in her review of Mortal Coil.

Tami: How long have you been with Champagne?

Julie: I just came into the family and love what I'm seeing. The openness, the help from other authors. My website www.books-jepainter.com now carries a picture of Nora Roberts and me because of Champagne author, Rebecca Savage, who has one of her with Nora at the Dallas 2007 convention. I'm learning a lot from the Yahoo groups.

Tami: You live in the US. How did you hear of us?

Julie: Providence. I was on a ship in the middle of the South Pacific when I was approached by Jim Woods, formerly an outdoor and gun expert who writes adventure for Champagne. He asked ‘Are you the writer?’ I said, ‘Yes. Are you the other one?’ The rest we know. I couldn’t wait to get home and write them a proposal.”

Tami: And that was Mortal Coil?

Julie: It was. I finished my final edit and sent it off. Of course the final edit isn’t really done until the publisher puts you out of your misery by bringing the book out. May was my lucky month!

Tami: It definitely sounds like it. Well welcome to the family and I can't wait to read some more from you. Thanks again for stopping by the blog to chat with me. Take care!

Julie: Thank you for having me. Epublishing is on the cutting edge of a new market. With all the competition in e-readers and small laptops, I feel fortunate to have joined Champagne Books when I did. Keep up your good work. A publicist is our outreach into the reading community.

Tami: OK guys, make sure to stop by to visit us when we will have

Mortal Coil by Julie Eberhart Painter

I was pleased to see that Seniors Today gave me a two-page spread. On the right was your review of Mortal Coil and on the left was my long travel article about the Massacre of Glencoe (Scotland) with the sidebar poem by Sir Walter Scott that begins "Cool is the snow that sweeps Glencoe/and covers the grave MacDonald..." Also, that same day, www.bewilderingstories.com added my flash fiction story, "Caribbean Paradise," about a plane crashing into water. Bewildering stories will alter my bio to add Mortal Coil and my new website. They also have a promotional area for news and reviews.

Julie

Julie Eberhart Painter
Mortal Coil, available from
http://www.champagnebooks.com/
http://www.books-jepainter.com/