Sunday, March 1, 2015

Tattle & Wrye Column March 2015



Tattle laughs aloud catching Wrye's attention.  "What's so funny?"
"Wait until you check out our new Love of Literature Leap."  Curled up in a plush robe, munching on a large carrot stick, Tattle does not look like she is about to leap, hop or skip anywhere.
Wrye can't help an old time Bugs Bunny reference.  "You're not ready, so what's up, Doc?"
Tattle snaps her finger and her attire changes into a sassy little dress with heels.  She takes two steps, wobbles, and decides on flats.  "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet...I'm hunting down Confessions Of The Sausage Queen by Ute Carbone."
"Errrr... sure, silly rabbit tricks are for kids."
"You aren’t in the correct cartoon, m'vewwy screwy dude."
Wrye sighs elaborately, "Let's just leap."
Tattle looks indignant.  "I've been waiting on you."

Once in the book, Tattle puts her hands over Wrye's eyes.  "Don't look!"

He peeks through her fingers.  "Whoo Hoo!  I like that hat!"

Rushing into a scene, she flips the page so Wrye can no longer check out Mandy Minhouser's famous garden hat picture.  "Tsk.  Tsk." Tattle wags a finger at Wrye.  "It's bad enough, her hubby, Randy, sent a picture of Mandy wearing nothing but that hat to Girls! Girls! Girls! You should show some respect."

"Nice rack," Wrye can't help blurting, repeating what almost every adult male in the small town of Kassenburg has said. 

Tattle frowns at him.  "Mind your p's and q's, Wrye Balderdash.  You know, everyone has seen the picture or knows about it.  And it is not the best rep for the library's bookmobile driver."

"There is a bright side..."

"And what's that?  She has taken her young son, Sammy, to live with her quirky, stiletto wearing, margarita drinking, cookie eating grandmother, Lila Rose, and is quite furious at her hubby."

"Ahhh, she isn't as upset as she makes out," Wrye argues, "for all Randy has to do is look at Mandy and she melts.  She is more annoyed at having to live in his trailer by the pond.  She simply wants a place with running water."

"I am still not getting the upside in all this...."

Wrye squiggles his finger at a paragraph.  "The silver lining, m'defender-of-the-young-and-sexy, is that Bill Ludowkis, owner of Bill's Big and Tasty Sausage, has a sudden heart attack while having a lovers romp with Lily Rose under the hydrangea bushes.  Mandy's Gran and Big Bill have been lovers since forever despite his marriage to the ice queen."

"And this is good?"

"Gotta read the book for the ins and outs of it, but the good is he leaves his factory to Lila Rose and makes Mandy CEO, which is vewwy, vewwy grand, m'bunny funny, considering the library no longer has funds for the bookmobile and Mandy no longer has a job."

Tattle considers, adding, "Ah, but there is more bad when her sister, Mindy, appears and takes over the bedroom where Mandy has been living.  Mindy misguidedly thinks her police husband, Ricky, is having an affair."

"Yup," Wrye agrees, "It makes for a comical tangle of messiness.  But back to Mandy, the worst part is she is clueless when it comes to the sausage biz, and the purple attired mural artist, Leland, and assistant to the late Big Bill and now her assistant, has been blackmailed into keeping Mandy clueless."

Snooping further into the book, Tattle giggles and laughs and points to the funnier scenes.  Wrye joins her at first, but then they both frown. 

Tattle places her hands on her hips and utters a few unmentionable cusses.  "Big Bill's grandson Hughes, the factory's CFO, has cut the factory workers pay, and plans on lay-offs, which will all get blamed on Mandy.  If that is not bad enough, he and his henchman aka butler, are willing to go to any lengths to see that his own nefarious deeds are left hidden."

"Just what is a sausage queen to do?"

"First laugh at that title her son has given her, and then gather up all her family and friends, including her sexy lovable husband, and slap stick their way to getting at the truth and saving the factory."

"Do they?"

Well, Tattle and Wrye are not about to let you know.  However, they agree that Confessions Of The Sausage Queen is one hysterical romp through the perspective of a small town, uninhibited gal whose family and friends are as uproariously hilarious and peculiar as the heroine.  Ute carbone has created relatable characters, yes, relatable, for isn't everyone a bit eccentric.  And the easy readable prose keep the pages turning and the laughter coming.  Yet, through the humor a shade of mystery and danger seep through giving the story extra depth, taking it a notch above your typical comic contemporary story.   

It is important to note, however, allow a single sitting to read the book cause you won't be able to put it down, and if you read into the night, you will wake any and all in the household with laughter.  The duo proclaim they haven't had such a gala time of it while reading for ages. 

Ute Carborne is a fresh voice and this team will be anxiously looking forward to her next book.

Hope you enjoyed our latest review.  Until next time, keep reading CBG books!

Dona Penza Rutabaga Tattle, Esq. and Associate Wrye Balderdash
of Blather City, Wannachat

Created and written by
Angelica Hart and Zi

Books by Angelica Hart and Zi
Books by Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the lovely review, Ang and Zi. Gran Lila is toasting you with one of her signature Margaritas. :)