We’ve all seen it:
“Hello, Cindy.”
“Hi,
Jane.”
“How
are you?”
“Fine, thanks. You?”
“Fine. Got any plans for after work?”
“Fine, thanks. You?”
“Fine. Got any plans for after work?”
“Maybe
go out for a drink.”
“Mm.
I was gonna go for groceries.”
“Well,
that, too, but I’d rather get a drink.”
Boooooooring. And how many of you had to
count the lines to remember who’s talking? Or how about those passages where
one person provides exposition of the plot or background, then another person
presents an opposing opinion, then a third tosses in an idea that negates
everything the first two said, and it starts all over.
Booooooring.
Talking heads are boring on TV and
they’re boring at a party and they’re boring in a book. (I’m not talking about
the Talking Heads you still hear on FM radio. Though some people find them
boring, too.) Humans are visual creatures and we like action. It’s up to you,
the writer, to give your readers action.
Take a tip from director Ken Burns, for
instance, in his great series on the Civil War. As in so many of his films, he
has actors read from letters written during that tragic conflict. Gifted though
the actors are, the readings could be a snooze. But Burns also gives us action,
in the form of photos. Not static photos--he zooms in on a heartbreakingly real
face, pans across fields of broken bodies, or highlights a telling detail. The
spoken word blends with the pictures to create an indelible image.
So how do you emulate Ken Burns? By
adding action to your dialogue. For example:
Jane stopped by her friend’s desk late on a Friday
afternoon. “Hey, Cindy, whatcha doin’ after work?”
Cindy rubbed her eyes and gestured at the stack of
paperwork beside her computer. “All this, then I need to get groceries.”
“Hmmph. Me, too. Wanna go for a drink?”
“Sweet Goddess, yes,” Cindy said with a laugh. Her
shoulders lost some of their tension.
See the difference? Instead of just
reporting what each person says, you’ve now given your characters a setting, indicated
how hard they work, and shown something of their personalities. You’ve engaged
your reader in the passage.
As for those long expositions, report in
dialogue only what is necessary to the plot. Summarized the rest from your
character’s POV or break it up into shorter bits that can be inserted into
scenes where they do the most good. Show the listeners’ reactions by indicating
their body movements or interior dialogue. Maybe a word from the speaker
triggers memories or makes a connection:
Jason’s mind wandered while the boss droned on. He
caught the phrase “binomial equation” and drifted back to his high school
algebra class. He’d been far more interested in that pretty girl Vanessa
What’s-her-name than in… Now the boss was sketching on the white board, a
complex pattern of cross-hatching and curved lines. Jason raised his hand.
“Maybe we should get Professor Martin in on this,” he suggested.
If you must include long speeches,
remember Ken Burns, any televised political debate, or a good science
documentary. Include visuals like the audience reaction or appropriate clips of
related action.
In short, do whatever you must to engage
your readers’ visual cortex. Remember, we humans are visual creatures, and we
like action.
Nikki Andrews is an editor at Champagne Books and a writer of mysteries and scifi. Visit her blog here for more grammar fun.
